Jasmine Hart

Hi, I really enjoyed the opening and this progresses nicely. I like the use of the quote before the poem. The first stanza is vivid and the emotion comes across ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. This is lovely. The title immediately drew me in and your choice of subject matter was original. It flows well ...

Clau! So good to read you again! As always, I really enjoyed this. Beautiful. I love the tone, especially in the last stanza, which was to my mind absolutely perfect. ...

Hi, You have some lovely images here. The opening question instantly drew me in. I'd change "never shattered" because I don't think "shattered" and "petals" work together without further explanation ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. The opening lines instantly drew me in and the whole thing flows very nicely. I like "lines, lines, lines." I also like how "lies, lies, ...

Hi, I like your use of couplets here and you expand nicely on your theme. I like "obstacles rage" - it's very original. I think the rhyme hems you in ...

Hey Kylan, As usual, this flows perfectly and your imagery is great. I especially enjoyed: "a conchology in which i press my ear less to the tide's zonophone, the dragging ...

Hi, The rhyme works well here and it develops nicely and flows well as a whole. I especially enjoyed; "The dull sense of hope is crushed when he breaks you". ...

Hi, This flows nicely. I'd avoid the archaisms by changing "afire" to "on fire " and "has not to do" to "has naught to do." I'd also cut the commas ...

Hi, I really enjoyed this. Your imagery is great, I could really feel this. It flows very nicely. I especially enjoyed: "my fingers mindlessly tugging at the grass ... I ...

Hi Lumi, The opening lines instantly drew me in. I love "tangled up in her eyelashes." I loved the description in stanza two, and stanza three is great. I'd take ...

Hi, This is really lovely. I love the combinations of words and the alliteration, and it flows very nicely. I love the arrangement of "dark" and "warm." I'd change "whispering ...

Hi, Love poems are very difficult to write as it is the most common theme for poetry, and I think you handle it well. The opening lines instantly drew me ...

Hi, The title and opening lines really drew me in. You maintain a great comic tone throughout, and I enjoyed this very much. The ending worked very well. I'd avoid ...

Hi, I love the direct address to the reader in the first stanza and the opening lines of stanza two. The tone works very well overall. I'd change "You'll sin ...